One of the key differences to get used to was the sudden increase in free time I had once I was spending less time with my children.  The sudden increase in “Me Time”.  At first I didn’t really know what to do with this time and it was very hard to get used to this time away from them but as with most things, you learn to adapt.

NAVIGATING THE DAY TO DAY

To begin with as we dealt with the immediate separation aftermath, we were both just navigating the day to day.  My ex husband went to stay with his brother and didn’t see the children for 3 weeks.  This was not sustainable and not something either of us wanted.  We wanted the children to spend time with and have a strong relationship with both of us.

After 6 months, and I will cover this in another post, we had established a routine which we were both broadly happy with and which the girls could learn and adapt to.  Apart from one or two minor tweaks, we have maintained this routine ever since and 3 years have now passed.

THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT

I then had to figure out how to spend the Me Time.  As a parent, you become a parent to spend all your time with your children (within reason).  You don’t have children to be with them only some of the time.  Psychologically and emotionally this is a hard concept to wrap your head around.  

I wouldn’t say I was ever a hugely maternal person, I wasn’t someone who was born to procreate.  I wanted my own life and my own accomplishments.  I wanted a career outside of my children but I did feel their lack of presence in those days they were with their dad.  At first very keenly.  It went against the status quo and against all instincts of parenthood.

Now that time has passed, this is something I have become accustomed to.  The routine their dad and I have in place is as much for us as it is for them.  It allows me to really focus my energies on them when I have them and on myself when I don’t.   

PLANNING “ME TIME”

Only having the children every other weekend and part of the week, I have to plan everything quite a long way in advance.  Plans with the kids, family plans, plans with friends and also planning what I want to do with my own time.  To begin with I just used the time to get ahead of myself.  Clean and tidy the house, change sheets, catch up on work but after a while I started to try and think of this time to myself as an opportunity for my own hobbies, self development and thinking time.  I had more to offer than just cleaning the house, looking after the kids and working.   Maybe now was the time to embrace that.

I started seeing friends more when I didn’t have the kids, either with or without their kids, I would go for dinner to my parents’ house or see my siblings more; I love the Lake District and spent a lot of time there growing up so I started going for walks on my own or spending the whole weekend up there in the mountains.  This was really exhilarating and gave me the time and headspace to start thinking about what I wanted from my life going forwards.

ARTWORK AND CRAFTING

During Covid I had started to experiment with different types of crafting; with the girls and for myself.  I will talk in my next blog about ideas for things to do with the kids but in my own time I started to dabble in acrylic pouring, pebble pictures and artwork.  

I started to do regular acrylic painting and created the below pictures;

I created these using Pebeo paint and Liquitex paint, both available from Amazon.

I also spent time creating pebble pictures for my family and artwork for my daughters based on their favourite nursery rhymes;

TIME IS A GOOD HEALER

It took me a long time to get used to the Me Time but there was little I could do about it.  I was no longer with their father and the children needed to have a healthy relationship with, and spend equal time with both of their parents.  I had to learn to embrace this Me Time, or to at least learn how to use it effectively for myself.  It also helped to keep me busy and I felt pleasure in still making things for them to enjoy when they were with me.   I owed it to them not to waste this time and to use it to make things better for them and to improve myself.  To decompress and catch up on sleep so I could be my best self when I was with them.